The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
