Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize