the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
