In the future we'll all be gay
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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