You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize