i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
