The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
