The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
