I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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