I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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