I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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