I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you will always have a special place in my vag
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
