Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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