2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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