i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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