I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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