wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
