I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
