Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
