Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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