How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
