matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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