he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
