none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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