White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Holy sore nipples Batman
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
