he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
