saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
