Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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