I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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