when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
it glows. i had to have it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
