Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
