Only a mothe r could love this liver
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
