All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
