In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
