I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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