Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize