He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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