Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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