I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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