I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
