it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize