accomplished twins. life is a go
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
