I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
