Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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