There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He had one of those small greek statue penises
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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