I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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