mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
