Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
