honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
