you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
