time to smoke my breakfast
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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