so explain again why im purple
no
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
