i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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