Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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