dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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