What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
