please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
