I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
