I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
