When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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