Already got asked if we're dating
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
