I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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