Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
