North Korea, Best Korea!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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