It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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