why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
