I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You are a genius and a whore.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
