great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
