A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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