You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
