i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
